I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
