the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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