This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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