If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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