Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
