We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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