were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
