all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
