all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
