Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
