Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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