Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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