at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
In America we eat man semen.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
