Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
