u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
