So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
