haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
