i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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