Kiss
Puke
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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