My room smells like vodka and shame
I CAN MOONWALK!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
