Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
