Dude my mom stole all your condoms
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You were trust falling into bushes
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
