people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
