Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
