haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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