Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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