i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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