Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
