well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
