maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
