Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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