I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
