your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
