I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
