I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
