All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
