I CAN MOONWALK!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
