Just fell off a train. Bad.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
