Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
