you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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