One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Holy sore nipples Batman
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
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