I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
