i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
