Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
