Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
