feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
