He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize