Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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