wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
