Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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