I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
