it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
