Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
