I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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