I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
