My balls are so social today.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
