Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just googled if crying burns calories
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I need to calm my uterus...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
