If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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