she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
