I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I could fuck to npr.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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