rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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